WHY WE THRIVE TOGETHER: FROM RUGBY MATCHES TO RETREAT CIRCLES
Did you watch the Women’s Rugby at the weekend?
Picture it: the Red Roses line up for a crucial kick.
All around you, thousands of strangers lean forward at the same time, holding their breath.
For a few seconds you’re no longer just you—you’re part of a living, breathing tide of hope.
When the ball soars between the posts the roar that rises isn’t just noise; it’s a shared release of tension, joy, relief.
Wasn’t it amazing?
Moments like this don’t only happen in stadiums.
We feel them at our tough exercise classes, at a house-warming party when the cake comes out, at a Sunday lunch with family, and when we pass a bowl of soup around a retreat table.
Shared experience is one of the oldest forms of human medicine, and we are finally listening to the neuroscience that explains why it matters so much for our health.
Our Brains Are Built to Connect
Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett describes the brain as a prediction machine that works best with other brains.
When we laugh, sing, clap or even breathe in sync, our nervous systems align—heart rate steadies, stress hormones dip, mood-boosting dopamine rises.
That’s why crowds at a match often feel calmer and more energised afterwards, despite the noise and drama.
This synchrony isn’t just psychological.
Chanting or singing together stimulates the vagus nerve—the body’s main parasympathetic “calm-down” pathway—helping lower blood pressure and supporting digestion and sleep. Sharing an experience helps us feel supported, increasing the availability of hormones like oxytocin that protects our hearts and helps us feel bonded.
The benefit of shared experience lasts long after the event has finished.
Breaking Bread Really Does Nourish
Across cultures, eating together is at the heart of celebration, ritual and connection.
We now know that sharing real food also supports the gut microbiome—the community of bacteria and other microbes that influence immunity, inflammation and even mood.
When we pass dishes round a table, especially fibre-rich, home-cooked meals, we swap small amounts of friendly bacteria that can help diversify our gut microbes.
A diverse microbiome is linked to stronger immune function and better mental-health resilience.
In other words, laughter, stories and good food literally feed our gut-brain connection.
Shared Experience in Times of Grief AND LOSS
Grief often makes us want to withdraw, yet our nervous systems recover best in the company of others.
Studies show that social buffering—the presence of trusted companions—can soften the cortisol spikes that accompany loss. In this way, we feel calmer, less alone and more able to make decisions that move us forward at our right pace.
At our Healthy Minds Grief & Loss Retreat (27 November – 1 December) we build on this principle through the framework known as “Choose, Connect and Communicate.”
Choose to honour your feelings and take some control over this process of grief
Connect with people who understand what loss feels like.
Communicate—sometimes in words, sometimes in silence, sometimes with movement or creative endeavour —so that what’s inside is witnessed rather than carried alone. Participants at previous retreats say that felt calmer, lighter and stronger as a result.
Nature’s Lesson: We Thrive in Flocks
Stand on Dartmoor at dusk and watch a murmuration of starlings swirl as one body.
Or notice how a shoal of fish turns in perfect unison.
These patterns remind us that belonging is a survival strategy written into nature itself.
Our retreat opens with the beautiful shared experience of Sound Healing with the wonderful Helen Philips. We continue our connection in a quiet, beautiful space, spending time outdoors, sharing meals that nurture the gut-brain axis, talking, laughing or simply sitting together.
It’s an ancient rhythm that our modern nervous systems still respond to.
Why It Matters Now
Loneliness is now recognised as a serious health risk—comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day in terms of its impact on long-term health.
Creating and seeking out shared experience isn’t just pleasant; it’s protective.
Whether it’s standing shoulder-to-shoulder at a rugby final, clinking glasses at a friend’s new home, or sitting in a grief-circle on Dartmoor, shared moments buffer stress, build immunity and help the mind settle. The benefit of community for our wellbeing is many-fold. If you or someone you know are feeling the effects of loneliness, here are some well researched strategies that help
CONNECT in Small, Low-Pressure Ways
A short text to a friend, a quick hello to a neighbour, or even chatting briefly with the person who makes your coffee can start to lift the sense of isolation.
🧠 Why it helps: tiny interactions activate social-reward circuits in the brain, releasing dopamine and oxytocin — small sparks that ease stress.
Share a Meal (or a Walk) with Someone
Eating or walking alongside another person builds connection without needing deep conversation.
🌿 Why it helps: shared meals and time outdoors can reduce cortisol levels and even benefit your gut microbiome, which influences mood.
Join Something Regular and LOCAL
A weekly class, a book group, a community choir, or volunteering at a local garden creates natural, repeated contact.
🔁 Why it helps: routine gatherings help the nervous system expect connection, which lowers social anxiety over time.
Spend Time in Nature with Company (Human or Animal)
A gentle walk with a friend (or a group), sitting on a bench with a neighbour, or walking a dog in the park pairs the calming effect of nature with companionship.
🌳 Why it helps: green spaces activate the parasympathetic “calm-down” response; shared experiences amplify that effect.
Practise ‘Micro-Moments’ of Kindness and Curiosity
Notice and smile at others, ask one open question, or offer help with a small task.
💚 Why it helps: these micro-moments are shown to increase vagal tone and foster a sense of belonging — even if they last just a few seconds.
An Invitation
If you’re navigating loss, or simply longing for more meaningful human contact, you are welcome and invited to join Emma and me, and our incredible team for the Grief & Loss Retreat on Dartmoor, 27 November – 1 December.
Together we’ll walk in nature, share nourishing meals, and discover how the simple act of gathering can calm the mind, support the gut-brain connection and help the heart heal.
👉 Learn more and reserve your place here (there are 4 spaces left as of today)
Further Reading
Barrett, L. F. (2020). Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain. Picador.
Coan, J. A., & Sbarra, D. A. (2015). Social baseline theory: the social regulation of risk and effort. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1, 87-91.
Hertenstein, M. J., & Weiss, S. J. (2011). The power of touch: physical affection in everyday life. Journal of Social Issues, 67(2), 297-316.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., et al. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227-237.
Porges, S. W. (2017). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe. W. W. Norton.
Sproesser, G., et al. (2018). Sharing food: the influence of social context on food intake and associated behaviours. Appetite, 133, 65-73.
Sonnenburg, E. D., & Sonnenburg, J. L. (2016). The Good Gut: Taking Control of Your Weight, Your Mood, and Your Long-Term Health. Penguin.
Yang, Y. C., Boen, C., Gerken, K., et al. (2016). Social relationships and physiological determinants of longevity across the human life span. PNAS, 113(3), 578-583.
